I LAY MY LOVE ON YOU;

{Tuesday, December 12, 2006}
this post is really long.

lifes this way,
and who was i to kid,
that i could make it right

im back on the computer! :O
ok, and i havent exactly blogged about camp.
i shall attempt

maybe i still want to do this
maybe it has become part of me.
maybe i have no choice.
maybe this is my life,
and i just have to do it.
or maybe i cant bear to do IT.

oh the camp is like OMG. i swear i've never WALKED/BRISK WALK/JOG/RUN this much.
its like my heels are living in hell and begging me to put it in a osim SOMETHING and my knees were constantly in pain and my HEAD is constantly in pain.
oh man, i wasnt that tired honestly, i was just in PAIN.

maybe i dont want to do this
maybe i dont care if i have a choice
i just dont want it any more.
maybe i want to STOP
and i dont care what it takes

but mysteriously, i survived the camp
and even went for trng on that same day it ended
and i foud out i couldnt do my figures anymore. even coach was shocked ahah :D
WOO! I SHOCK PEOPLE LALALA

and then that english has to come back
and make my life difficult
wasnt i clear enough,
and now what am i supposed to do.

oh, and the camp was so emotional okay haha :D
-looks at melo.
i think im a bad cos you know.
i mean like, look at melo, she doesnt get to eat, doesnt get to bathe.
and me? even if i was a cos for one whole full day.
i was quite like a normal camper. having time to do everything. and i didnt even have to take that plastic bag to run. beat was the one that had to do it.
:/

you know, you really make an impact in my life.
youre really important to me
and before i make any decisions,
i do think of you.
i think of how you'll react,
whether you'll like it anot

trng has been bad i swear.
emotionally too.
i mean, my knee is already a big enough problem, and so is my head.
but honestly, im not really handling it well emotionally. people say to excell in a sport, you have to WANT TO excell in it. but truthfully i dont. i mean, i even feel a greater achievement in football even if its a useless match and the swimming is like OVERSEAS.
okay, i make no sense. nevermind haha :D

im sorry im acting like a prat
and i've been hurting you
both emotionally and physically.
sometimes, i dont know what im doing either.
sometimes, im so out of controll
and probably out of my mind.

oh, i've pierced my ear. :D
and no jacq, im not les.
im simply not a girl anymore ;D

but im sorry im being a prat
and im sorry i've been hurting you.

okay, jacq, im joking.
im a girl okay, i still find torres hot :D:D:D:D
and i admit david becks is hot fine
NOW EVERYONE HAPPY?
-looks at yuqing

it hasnt been great for me
but i know i shouldnt be venting it on you.
things arent great for you either i know
but somehow, i just cant manage it well
or maybe its just that im a coward.
im a weakling and i cant handle it.

oh, did i mention i pierced my ear? :D
oh i did :O
okay, so what else have i done ..
OH I WATCHED OPEN SEASON.
and i cried. oh typical me. im so weird hohoho. i mean, it aint even worth 7 bucks.
and im CRYING! :O
im sorry im this way ahha :D

so im sorry for everything
for being so easily jealous and demanding
im sorry for being a nobody ruining your life.
im sorry for hurting you and making you feel at fault
im sorry for blaming you & teasing you.
but you realise, i do want to be part of your life

oh, and although pract was short today, at least im PRACTISING
oh, and i went to the doctor today
which, made me quite irritated.
i mean, im supposed to be INJURED, not "dont have enough quad muscles" i mean :( i have okay. and thats not supposed to affect my knee isnt it.
now i have to ice my knee EVERYDAY. stretch EVERY HOUR and go to the gym EVERY OTHER DAY. it doesnt really make any sense to me ):

im sorry, i really am
will you forgive me?
i really miss you,
and i really love you ):

penang trip is coming, everyone seems excited.
and i really like sam's routine, but i dont understand the need to learn it. i mean, even if i learn it, i cant do it. so whats the use. whats more, i cant even remember the routines im supposed to remember sometimes. such a waste of brain space :O
ok, so i admit, im not excited about m'sia open at all.
i mean, what to expect. 10 + teams are going there! we cant even beat APS.

once i had hope in life,
halfway through, i learnt its useless
but i gained the hope back.
but now i realise, im just being naive

and it seems like no one is going to australia open, and my parents are fickle minded.
i dont even know what theyre thinking of now. they seem to think that im a coward that cant stand pain. okay, so manbe I AM
joyce still have something against me. just like philip.
i guess i just dont have the nice face huh

sometimes, i thank god for having no life
because its just crap.
but maybe i do want my life back.
maybe.

okay, i have finished my post lalala
its so random and confusing heheh :D good luck in reading it! :D

but to this special someone,
i hope you understand the post
and i hope you do read it
and know, YOUre the special someone

[[10:26 PM;